Drinking Jokes
Quips
- The beer that made Milwaukee famous will make a fool out of you!
- If it wasn’t for the olives in his martinis, he’d starve to death!
Religious Preference
A man in the passenger train car asked for something from the porter that couldn’t be supplied. He then called out, “Is there a Catholic priest in the car?” No one answered. “Is there an Episcopalian minister in the car?” Still, no one answered. A voice finally spoke up. “If you need spiritual comfort, I’m a Baptist preacher,” someone volunteered. “I don’t want spiritual comfort,” the man said. “I want a corkscrew!”
Poor Guy
A drunk was hanging on to a lamppost for dear life when an old lady walked by and said, “Why don’t you take a bus home?” The drunk said, “My wife would never let me keep it!”
Two Drunks
Two drunks saw a man siphoning gas from a car. One said to the other, “I hope I never get that thirsty!”
Walking on Water
The Baptist minister was asked by a member of the church, “Do you believe that people can walk on water?” The minister answered, “A whole lot better than they can on liquor!”
Cure For Worms?
A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following: He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them. A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: “You’re showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won’t have worms.”
Two Drunks
Two drunks were walking along the railroad tracks. One said, “I never saw so many steps in my life.” The other said, “I don’t mind the steps,” “but this low railing is killing me!”
Two Drunks
Two drunks found themselves on a roller coaster. One said, “We’re making great time, but I’m not sure this is the right bus!
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